The MessHall Marauder
by BonesBird
Summary: Someone has been playing pranks and practical jokes on the crew, and nobody can figure out who it is. Tom Paris is determined to figure out who it is. P/T despite the tag. J/P friendship.


**Title: The Mess Hall Marauder  
****Summary: Someone has been playing pranks and practical jokes on the crew, and nobody can figure out who it is. Tom Paris is determined to figure out who it is. P/T despite the tag. J/P friendship.  
****Disclaimer: I don't own Voyager, I never have. I really wish I did though. Tom and B'Elanna would have been together from the beginning then.**

**So, last night I wrote a drabble about the Captain playing practical jokes on the crew because she needed to get her rebellious instincts out. My lovely beta, PinkAngel, then sparked an idea that the muse grabbed hold of. **

**Mucho thanks to nebula2 for reading through for me.**

* * *

It wasn't often Tom Paris was stumped by a practical joker. Mostly because on this ship, it was normally him doing the jokes. But right now, he and B'Elanna were still reeling from finding out about their baby, so he'd been behaving himself.

The whole crew had taken to calling him or her the Mess Hall Marauder, the nickname had been given not long after he had finally convinced the crew that it wasn't him doing it.

It was the mystery of the ship that security didn't want to solve. But the sheer fact nobody knew who it was had led him to it being one of the senior staff.

He didn't fancy a broken arm, so he wasn't going to ask B'Elanna, at least, not until he was sure that it was her, if it was. He also didn't think she had the time or the energy. Klingon morning sickness was not fun. For either of them. Or for the crew the cleaned up engineering.

It wasn't Harry's style to be so sneaky for months on end. So he'd ruled him out, and Chakotay… well. He couldn't imagine Chakotay doing anything like this. Seven would find it a waste of time.

Which only left him with Tuvok… and the Captain.

He wasn't sure Vulcan's could play practical jokes, which left only Captain Janeway.

If he was the only member of the crew who had figured it out, so far at least. He couldn't not tell her that he knew it was her. He sat up in the bed, and heard B'Elanna's mumble.

"We'll have sex in the morning, Tom. I'm tired" He let out a small chuckle, kissing her cheek and getting out of the bed.

"You're safe Bee. I'll be back" He whispered and pulled on a pair of pants and set out. He checked the time, and headed up to the mess hall. He walked in quietly, where it seemed to be all quiet, until he heard movement in the galley.

* * *

_Dammit! Caught!_

It had been months, and nobody had walked in on her, and nobody had suspected her either. She'd tried not to make a noise, but she'd dropped a bowl, and a face came through the window and looked down on her.

"I knew it was you!" Tom said, pumping his fist as his eyes landed on her. She stood up slowly and put the bowl back on the side. Then walked around and sat on a table nearby.

"Damn. How did you figure it out?" she thought that she'd covered her tracks well, that she'd avoided anything that would point to her. She should have known that it would be Tom Paris who caught her, somehow. She didn't know how she should have known. But she should have.

"Nobody knew anything, so it had to be the senior staff. I couldn't see Tuvok, Seven or Chakotay doing anything like this, and I didn't think it would be you either, but once I'd ruled out Harry, it had to be you. B'Elanna and I spend almost all our off duty time together right now, planning for the baby. So I knew it wasn't her" Tom's smile at finding out who the Marauder was was larger than she could have imagined.

The Mess Hall Marauder. She actually quite liked the ingenuity behind the name. It gave her a perverse pleasure that she'd deny to anyone else. She had been listening out for all the theories that her crew was bandying about. Everything from invisible aliens to intelligent mice had been blamed.

"Did anyone ever tell you, you should have gone into policing, you're good at deducing things" she smiled at him as he shook his head. He grabbed a mug of coffee and handed it to her, before getting one for himself.

"It was annoying me. Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why start playing jokes? Hiding Neelix's pans, changing the ingredients in Seven's supplements just enough that it didn't taste right" she laughed at that, it had taken her the better part of an entire night to encode all of Seven's supplements to taste of chocolate, and while it had wound Seven up, it had taken her all her self control not to burst out laughing every time it was mentioned.

"Why did you start playing jokes?" she asked, hoping that he'd answer his own question so she didn't need to verbalise it.

"Because I'm bored, or B'Elanna's banned me from the TV again" he said, and she burst out laughing, imagining how that went down. It didn't actually surprise her all that much that Tom would annoy his wife so much that she would ban him from the television.

"That woman is in total control in your quarters isn't she?" she smiled and watched as Tom nodded, blushing just a little. Though the smile told her that he really didn't mind.

"Wouldn't want it any other way. So, tell me. One joker to another."

"Because I could, really. It's been amusing. Are you going to tell the crew?" She wondered if she would have to end her night-time activity now, in favour of doing something more traditional. Like reading.

"No, they can figure it out for themselves"

"Your wife?" she asked, almost certain that the helmsman wouldn't be able to avoid telling the Engineer for long. She actually would guess that B'Elanna already knew, whether Tom had told her or not. She had never seen a couple as in tune as the two of them, and when she thought back to the beginning of their journey, she'd often had to separate the two of them.

"I might have to tell her, I can't lie to her." Tom stood up, and she watched him heading towards the door "I left B'Elanna asleep, we have a scan with the doctor in the morning though, so I'd best get back" She smiled again, the entire crew was excited about their baby, because she was going to be the first baby born because of their journey. Not that there weren't other couples, just they all kept up with the doctors birth-control programme. She wondered if they would welcome any more babies before the end of the journey.

"Be sure to send me a copy of the pictures." she smiled as he got to the door, he paused ant turned back to her, before continuing on.

"Yes ma'am" he shouted back over his shoulder, and she decided that maybe tonight, she would hide the ingredients so that all Neelix could make was pizza. That would be a nice little treat for Tom, and would thoroughly annoy half the crew.

It was worth the complaints. Especially now she had someone to share the laughter with.


End file.
